Who’s “Doing the Maths”?
I wonder how one gets a job dictating the outcome of court cases that profoundly effect the lives of damaged people?
I am told that there are years and years of training, a very difficult degree, and many more years of experience. I am told that you then need to have the right “background”, the right “contacts” that you then have to be governed by codes of ethics and good practice.
I wonder therefore why it is that the judges in courts that are dealing with the myriad of cases regarding the clergy abuse of children can be so utterly blinkered, can get it often so wrong?
I have already talked about their incorrect assessments and understanding of the physiology of addiction, which is so often a factor within this group of victims, I now want to think about how they have the sort of ignorance that would suggest that because a victim has “survived” then they can’t be that damaged!
It seems that to fight for your life, and battle to find the life skills in order to function is a clear indication that you were not that badly harmed!
I wonder what on earth they base these assumptions on?
Presumably they would suggest that each one of us has to be completely destroyed in every aspect of our life in order to be considered sufficiently damaged?
One of my friends, who had the most appalling clergy abuse experience, managed, against all the odds, to get a law degree, and become a lawyer.
Bad move according to the courts! “How can she be that badly traumatised if she could do that”!
Would they suggest that if ones’s legs were chopped off, and in sheer desperation you learned, painfully, to walk on your hands that there is no problem?
Surely they cannot be suggesting that somehow there is a “silver lining” that we should be “grateful for small mercies,”? “Count our blessings”?
I, myself didn’t get a professional qualification until I was in my forties, the prior years were spent either suffering from, or recovering from, the effects of my abuses, further compounded by my addictions which were a result of them. My childhood, teens, twenties, and early thirties were pretty much taken away. But that didn’t mean I wasn’t able to leaning to drive, support my family, know how to cook, play scrabble and change lightbulbs!
Do they imagine that every one of us has damage to our intellect? Despite the fact that the parts of the brain which are damaged are not the ones which enable us to acquire academic information?
Traumatic damage does not equate to poor intellect!
They should recognise also, that one of the very common tricks the brain will use to protect us from the severity of sexual abuse is to give us memory blackouts sometimes for many years, during which time we may well acquire a few skills!
Have they really no understanding of our need to perform in some area well, to have at least ONE arena where we can be in control? sometimes desperately and obsessively.
Do they imagine that lawyers, scientists, doctors and professors and brilliant academics in all walks of life don’t have mental health problems, or depression, addictions or Obsessive Compulsive disorders?
They don’t seem to have any comprehension at all about the nature of trauma, especially when that trauma is the result of childhood sexual abuse.
So why are they the ones to make judgements? Why are they the ones to decide how much pain has been caused? Is it based on individual’s opinions?or simply archaic psychiatric reports which are always subjective?
Of course there is nothing wrong with having an opinion, I have them, we all have them, they are formed by our individual experiences, our education, our personal viewpoint. They are part of our survival arsenal.
But when you are dealing with this life threatening, life shortening, all damaging effects of childhood sexual abuse, you need to ditch your ego, get underneath those opinions and into the facts!
It has been proven that childhood sexual trauma damages brains (not intellect) It has been proven that a person’s immune system is impaired, their metabolic system damaged and their life expectancy reduced! these are the current facts.
How many degrees does it take to be able to see what “The RIGHT THING” is? How much experience is needed to recognise loss of potential in real terms?
I suggest that they need to be taught properly about the cases they are charged with , start to look at this appalling crime with a full understanding of it’s severity, and be much more biased on the side of those who simply had no choice.
Either that or Give me the bloody job!
The Chairman of the bench of magistrates, in his capacity as surveyor and valuer assisted the brothers fraud. He still is, even having been challenged, chairman. The brothers are connected to the establishment. I have written to the Courts and Police, have supplied the evidence.
The Police and Courts are happy for this fraudster to continue judging people dishing out sentences. If they have information on the judges they can manipulate them. If they are involved in the practices themselves, then they are likely to protect.
My Mother molested me, her father was a judge. I expect the self disgust she projected onto me came from him. He had an eating disorder, a symptom of child abuse. He never sought recovery, so may have been oblivious of the cause or effects.
It would be arrogant of me to expect a Judge to understand addiction or abuse. One can only hope that one of them becomes a survivor and can educate the others. Even then it would be difficult, near impossible. The cases that came before him would get a fair hearing. A good barrister for the defense though would organize things within the court system to avoid the case coming before him.
It would be difficult though for a survivor to get to Judge status given the damage lack of development of the frontal lobe. Even having done so it is impossible to transfer the experience to others.
Just as it is to transfer my now hard earned faith, previously shattered by religious dogma of the Church and school. One persons experience of the unseen is impossible to transfer to another. Since the damage is internal, at the persons core, how would they ever see it. I was told that the brain damage is visible on a scan.
The frontal lobe that is necessary for a person to connect to teachers appears on the scan as black, as there is nothing there. The rear part the survival part has developed. The trouble being, this has to be done when the child is in early development.
I was given the lowest marks in the history of the school and the highest number of bad marks. 9 in my quarterlies and 13 stripes in the same period. I was regularly severely beaten with cane and shoe for my learning disabilities-difficulties. There was widespread abuse. Any normal school would have referred me to Social Services, as there was clearly a problem.
I should sue the school for neglect-abuse. I was given 4 of the cane for hitting the school bully who I had complained about for months.
These learning disabilities happened between 3 when I was thrown down the stairs having been shaken by the ears for being stupid or lazy at one school. Then 6 to 9 where I got 13 stripes and 9 in my quarterlies where the beatings happened. I would cry all the way to the school, to no effect on my parents until I was 9, when I was taken away and sent to a crammer. To cram information into my damaged brain.
The school said I had improved and that I could do well if I stayed. My father said I have already paid the school fees in the new place so you are moving. It may be therefore that I was a late developer. That the frontal lobe eventual developed. This being the case it may look normal on a scan.
The headmaster was presented a box of Polaroid photos of the abuse, discovered by the cleaner. He spoke to the parents who with him decided that it was best to avoid adverse publicity and a scandal. The master went on to another school. All of my friends who were abused at that school are all addicted to Narcotics. They are killing themselves.
I can tell them that abstinence & recovery is best. They are as oblivious to my experience as the judges are. There were boys abusing themselves openly age 7, 8, 9 because they had been abused by my housemaster. This was strange to witness or to be asked to participate, so young.
There was a History teacher showing pornographic images to me and other boys age 8 and 9. The vice or assistant head master told the whole class he had to use a belt to strap his private parts to his leg to avoid erection when we he was in charge of us on the sports field.
The Housemaster was summons to the local magistrates court a few years back, but did a runner. Nothing was done to my knowledge to arrest him or bring him back to justice as none of us have heard anything about it or him since.
If the brain damage is only visible as a child, this is of little use by the time the trauma resurfaces 30 or 40 years later.
Robert.
PS: On a positive note, thanks to your offer of support re the sleeping disorder, and me staying up 24 hours solid preparing draft particulars of claim for possession proceedings of the home farm and monies the brothers stole, there has been change.
I think the offer of support spiritually and emotionally gave me strength. I think the expression or ´´exorcism´´ of the anger by writing about it in the court papers & about the damage done has lifted the depression.
It may be that I was being held down by, de pressed or re pressed down by the abuse (the anger, rage & self disgust projected onto me by the abusers) and this was stopping me from operating in the day.
3 days and just for today, up in the morning sleep by 10-10.40 pm.
Sleeping in the dark, this was impossible before, night terrors. I have had nightmares. But I have been awake in the day. Yesterday I went swimming and sunbathing.
Thank you Sue.
Love Robert.